Despair Done Right

The Final Chapter Of Saul

Recently in my church I was assigned the task to preach 1 Samuel 31 – the final chapter of 1 Samuel. It records the tragic and brutal death of King Saul, his sons, and much of his army. 

It can be difficult to read that chapter and come away encouraged and bright-eyed. A reading of 1 Samuel 31 can evoke feelings of sadness, loss, and a sense that much potential was wasted. Even after reading it over and over multiple times at the beginning of my sermon preparation, a thought I kept coming back to was simply: this could’ve been so different.

King Saul, the very first king of the Israelites, begins with much promise in 1 Samuel 11. At the very outset of his reign, he boldly steps up to unite Israel in a rescue operation for his fellow men. Additionally, in an incredible act of grace at the end of the chapter, he refuses to harm the “haters” and those who had publicly questioned his ability as king. By all accounts, Saul begins by honoring God, blessing others, and doing things right.

If only he continued on that course…..

Soon after, Saul starts to envy a young hero named David. Left unchecked, unconfessed, and unrepented of (not a real word/phrase but whatever), that envy only grows inside Saul. The king should be taking the fight to the Philistines….instead he spends his energy and time attempting to murder David. Saul’s reign goes off course and so much is wasted.

Before you know it, by 1 Samuel 31, the Philistines have advanced deep into Israelite territory and they are out for blood. As his army is slain in retreat up the mountain, Saul and his sons face their doom together.

The sons perish and Saul is shot with an arrow. Things don’t look good. There seems to be no way out. 

What can a person do when all seems lost?

The Desperation Of Moses

Recently in my church we studied the prayer of Moses in Numbers 11. This chapter records the desperate words of Moses as he faces another crisis in leading the people of Israel.

It can be difficult to read that chapter and come away encouraged and bright-eyed. A reading of the first half of Numbers 11 can evoke feelings of frustration, injustice, and a sense that things have gone off track. 

The people are complaining about God’s provision of manna. They want meat. Soon, they are (somehow) fondly remembering their diet in Egypt…… when they were slaves! The enslaved part is left out of their reminiscing over cucumbers, onions, and such.

God’s anger is “kindled.” Moses is fed up (unintentional pun there). The people are weeping. Things don’t look good. There seems to be no way out.

What can a person do when all seems lost?

The Dark Prayer Of The Despairing

“Why have You been so hard on Your servant? And why have I not found favor in Your sight, that You have put the burden of all this people on me? Was it I who conceived all this people? Or did I give birth to them, that You should say to me, ‘Carry them in your arms, as a nurse carries a nursing infant, to the land which You swore to their fathers?’ Where am I going to get meat to all this people? For they weep before me, saying, ‘Give us meat so that we may eat!’ I am not able to carry all this people by myself, because it is too burdensome for me. So if You are going to deal with me this way, please kill me now, if I have found favor in Your sight, and do not let me see my misery.”

Moses just unleashed. Held nothing back, really. Moses just brought all his frustration, accusation, questioning, desperation, and all of his despair – – – and he brought it to God.

Moses seemed to run hot with his anger anyways. And here, in Numbers 11, as he is going off, you can hear the disappointment and despair.

“…please kill me now…”

This is the dark prayer of the despairing.

Saul’s Silence

This would be where I should type out Saul’s prayer when all goes wrong in 1 Samuel 31. It would be fitting to include the King’s call to God in his time of greatest need.

And yet…. There is none.

Saul’s only final recorded words are him asking his sword-bearer to help kill him. He never calls on God. He never cries out for His help. 

Reading through the entirety of 1 Samuel, prayer seems to be a rare occurrence in King Saul’s life. So it is in his death. There is silence in the Scripture.

There is no dark prayer of the despairing – only the deafening silence of Saul.

What Scripture Teaches Us

The dark prayer of despair that we see with Moses is not a one-time occurrence in Scripture. After a great victory, Elijah in 1 Kings 19 basically asks God to take his life. Psalm 42 and 43 (and others) speak openly to God of “despair.” The pages of Scripture are filled with people calling on God when all seems lost.

Does it surprise you that this is the case? What is God revealing to us when over and over in His Word, He allows prayers of people who are in despair? 

One true thing we can learn here is this: God is the safest place to bring your moments of despair. When you feel there is no escape – get in His presence and pray to Him.

Listen, not everything Moses says is good or true or right. He’s fed up and he feels trapped. He’s going to need help and he’s going to need to change. But at least he’s processing that in God’s presence. He’s in the right place, in front of the right Person.

At least he’s voicing that prayer. Moses in Numbers 11 is despair done right.

Saul’s silence is infinitely worse. He simply accelerates death without a single word towards His Creator.

For Your Dark Times

The enemy wants to discourage you. Beyond even that discouragement, the Enemy wants to distance you. He wants to create that separation between you and God. He wants you to feel as if there’s no way out and there’s nothing that can be done. Silence is his goal.

He is a liar and always will be.

God is the Creator and Sustainer of your life. God is mighty and strong. God is able to save. God is merciful, kind, and gracious. God is good in all that He does, whether it fits with our “plans” or not. 

And He wants you to bring your worst to Him. Voice your dark prayer of despair in His presence. 

Wait on Him. Seek His face. Know that He listens. Know that He cares. Call on Him and wait for His holy response.

Thanks for reading.  Your comments and insights are always welcomed.  If you enjoyed this, please share it.  Want more content?  Check the archives, my youtube channel, or listen to me on the Cross-Cutting Culture Podcast.