Of Men And Marriage. Of Crows and Crowns.
I recently came across a fascinating piece of writing. Curt Schilling, one of the best pitchers of his generation, wrote a letter to his “16-year old self” about the danger of beginning chew-tobacco. Schilling writes an absolutely chilling account of what will happen if his “16-year old self” accepts that first offer in the high school lunchroom. It is a piece of wisdom and lament and hope all at the same time. I would say it’s worth your time.
A Proverbs Six Approach
It’s a tantalizing concept even though we know it’s unattainable. What would you write to your younger self? If you could write about one key decision in your life and hope to change the future, what would you choose? Where do you feel the pangs of regret when looking back on your years? What would you want just ONE more chance to go back and try again?
There’s several times in Scripture where we can see glimpses of this plan. Perhaps Proverbs six is one of the most poignant examples. You hear a father give the strongest warnings he can to his son about the perils of going outside of God’s design for marriage and sex. It’s not a letter to his younger self that can’t change anything, but a letter of the same urgency to his younger son who CAN still get it right.
I want to do a version of this for several men right now. Of course, if you are a guy, I realize I’m NOT YOU or your dad. I’m just 33 years old; I’m no ancient sage. But I feel confident giving you this letter from the future because it is the simple truth of Scripture and it’s what I’ve seen ring true so many times in my time on this earth.
So I write.
The Three Guys
Dear young guy, Dear single guy, Dear married guy who is struggling and considering leaving…..
The decisions you will make in the near future will largely shape the legacy you leave behind on this earth. What you do with your marriage and family will ripple and roar through your life. These choices aren’t minor. There isn’t a way to go back and do it all over if you get it wrong.
Your life won’t be defined by your job and how high you were able to rise up the ladder of success. The riches you accumulate will not be of any worth to you the moment your heart beats the last time. Your car and clothes; those won’t matter when you know your time is short.
But the decisions with your marriage and family will resound throughout your life and beyond it. These are the weightiest things you will deal with. These will be the handprints the future will use to identify you.
Here’s the play: honor God and your wife in marriage. Love her only. That is what is good and right. This is what will bring Him glory. This is what will bring you joy.
Honor God and your wife. Yes, always and forever. Until your lungs rise and fall one last time. Do this with all your heart.
Going from woman to woman? Never committing to something bigger than yourself? Backing out of a commitment you made? Running when things get tough? Making her life miserable? These aren’t what you are MEANT for. Don’t leave a legacy of broken hearts or broken homes. Don’t waste this one life you have by playing games and creating long-lasting damage.
No. May it never be.
Soon, you face those pivotal days. The day of your decision draws near. Give in and quit? Leave the one you vowed your life too? Seek out another woman? Get lost in a sea of pornography? That is what will wreck you. And her. And them. Devastation far greater than you can get your arms around. Read these words and let them echo in your head repeatedly: the stakes are enormous. This is not the time for immature selfishness.
Hear good counsel. Apply sound wisdom. Set your heart to make a choice that will not lead to regret. Fix in your mind that you will not chase foolish, temporary “fun” that carries a price tag of deep pain and countless tears.
Be a man. Be a Godly man. Put your name on it. Stand up and rebel against what the world says is normal or acceptable. Find your identity in Christ. Know the strength He provides.
See how He has first loved His own bride.
Love the one you pledge your life too. Love her with all that you have. And then realize the glorious truth that you can love her even more than that as God seems to grow your capacity for love before your very eyes.
Love her. Honor her. She is a daughter of the King of Kings. One day, He will have a conversation with you about how you loved and treated her. How do you want that to go? No, seriously…you’ll stand before God and be accountable for the love and leadership of your wife….how do you want that moment to go?
The road won’t be easy. Trials and temptations are coming. You will be tested. You WILL be tested. Therefore, strike any half-way thinking from your heart. Clear out any part of you that leans toward compromise. If there is any place in you that doubts if you’ll make it, rid yourself of it now.
Be a man. Be a Godly man. There is a finish line to the good race and by His grace, you will arrive. You can not only arrive….you can arrive TOGETHER. With God. With HER. You can arrive with aged-smiles for each other and wrinkle-lined faces that are earned by years of sacrificial love.
This is the play. It’s always been the play.
Get married and stay married. Stay faithful. Don’t be stupid. Honor God and love your wife with all you have. Your kids are watching. This means something to them that words can’t describe. There is lasting impact with them I won’t even try and verbalize in a sentence. They are watching and it matters. Others are watching. God is watching. And He will help you.
So follow Christ’s example and let your marriage echo the Gospel. Be the husband you are called and designed to be. MAKE it.
Then…many years from now, when you arrive at this day, you won’t be writing a letter of lament and regret. You see? I write this letter so you won’t have too. I put these words before you now so that the future is safe.
Not A Letter, But a Song
Instead of writing a letter to your “younger self” about the choices you wish you could do over, you can pen a love note to the one who has had your heart for all these years. Perhaps it will sound like this:
You are a sight for aching eyes.
A river for my thirst.
When all the world is harsh and dry,
Wasted by the curse
All words seem beggardly and poor
Then set to sing your grace
What could I’ve known of love before
My eyes had seen your face?
My Love, how beautiful you are!
My love is ever where you are.
I know you fear the wounds of time,
The wondering feet of crows,
But I am yours and you are mine.
And none but me could know
How all of you enraptures me,
Till I can’t look away!
I pray that I will live to see
You wear a crown of gray.
My Love, how beautiful you are!
My love is ever where you are.
And when you kiss me I am lost…
Or is it that I’m found?
My feet send roots beneath my the rocks
To fix me to the ground,
Never to float away again,
A captive to the tide.
No more to wander in the wind
Without you by my side.
My Love, how beautiful you are!
My love is ever where you are.
“Of Crows and Crowns” — Dustin Kensrue
If you’re a young guy, a single guy, or a married/struggling guy….just realize I am for you. My prayer is for you to marry well, love well, serve well, and reflect the Gospel well in how you love your wife.
May there not be wasted years or heavy regrets because of foolish decisions. May Godly wisdom be what you seek out and apply. May you change any heritage of pain, neglect, or abuse that has been handed down in your family. May your children see the authenticity of your faith and your zeal for the Father. May your wife always know the security of your love and the strength of your commitment. May He get the glory and you get the joy.
As always, thanks for reading. Any comments/insights you have are welcomed in the comments below.
If you are unfamiliar with Dustin Kensrue, well…then…change that. His new album, Carry The Fire, has this song on it. Guy is talented.
Walking towards the Light from the cross of a King 
This is great.
thanks bud!
Such a Blessing from your words on instructions to young men, and maybe men who have gone astray to work at retrieving the live and honor of their precious wives and set a new Godly path for the lives of their whole families.
Bless You for your sincere and generous heart that set these word to paper to come alive in tge very lives of those who choose to make their paths straight and their wives and children Cherished!….I think that every wise person know that it is more Blessed to Give than to Receive, but it is tye genuine heart full of love that gives with No Strings attached other tgan to bask in the Joy of someone else’s Joy~
Thank you